Dear Arcade Fire,

Are you feeling OK? Apparently last year’s Campaign of the Absurd (with its bizarre stage costumes and awkward promotional stunts) wasn’t enough, so now you’re covering INXS during concerts in Australia.

I, for one, love an old-fashioned offbeat musical cover — like that one time indie-folk outfit Night Beds (who made my favorite LP of 2013) tackled Robyn’s transcendent dance-pop tune “Dancing on My Own” for A.V. Club. Unexpected, slightly funny, and also really freaking beautiful. 

But your cover of INXS’ “Devil Inside” just felt like another weird chapter in this weird book you’ve been writing since you started teasing Reflektor. Maybe I’m just bitter because I was pretty disappointed by that album, but I do know that half-heartedly covering ’80s new-wave hits isn’t the way to win back my heart.

I’ll stop now. I still love your music (particularly those first three albums, which rival anything else made in the 21st century), so I’m willing to deal with the glow sticks and the disco-Haitian fetishes and the costume-ball silliness until you land back on your feet.

Maybe do “Take On Me” next time — and dedicate it to me, a concerned (but loving) fan.

Eternally Yours,
Ryan

SPOILER ALERT, so proceed with caution, Girls fanatics…

Season Three, Episode Four: “Dead Inside”

Written by Judd Apatow & Lena Dunham; Directed by Jesse Peretz

This week, we are gifted with a variety of deaths, both literal and metaphorical. The collective and individual revelations therein? The Digital Age, with its constant deterioration of traditionally tuned attention spans, has produced two opposing extremes in terms of how we as a society “deal” with death.

Quick Breakdown

It comes as no tremendous surprise to anyone (other than Adam, it turns out) that Hannah doesn’t exactly deal with death in a traditional or even remotely compassionate way. We learn early in this episode that David (Hannah’s e-book editor, whom we last saw drunkenly brawling with Ray at Hannah’s birthday party) has suddenly passed away. The cause of death is not exactly revealed, but we are treated to a scene in which Hannah flippantly reads aloud a Gawker post deeming his death to be “worthy of a Bret Easton Ellis character.” Adam, who immediately and tenderly attempts to comfort Hannah when she informs him of David’s death, is thoroughly disturbed by Hannah’s alarmingly disconnected state of emotions. In a matter of hours, Hannah goes from simply and reactionarily telling Jessa and Adam about David’s death to, somewhat humorously, questioning aloud the fate of her e-book in the wake of said death.

Elsewhere, Jessa sparks a conversation with Shoshanna (who is beautifully organizing her impressive bandanna collection) on death, prompting Shoshanna to admit (with seemingly no self-awareness) that she was somewhat relieved upon the death of one of her childhood friends, given that her passing allowed Shoshanna to swiftly take over her role in the friends circle. Jessa completely ignores and immediately forgets Shoshanna’s story, instead focusing aloud on her loss of a childhood friend. Shortly after, Jessa places a call to find the location of her former friend’s gravesite. In a remarkable turn of events, Jessa’s friend — poetically named Season — had actually faked her death to omit Jessa from her life. Upon confrontation, Season calls Jessa an enabler and insists that faking her death (including a fake funeral invitation to Jessa) was the only way to get sober. Jessa, of course, takes this opportunity to berate Season’s new life of sobriety and denies any former or current “enabling” behavior.

Marnie, still not exactly directly involved with the major plot points of this season of Girls, experiences the opposite of death. In a satisfyingly honest argument with Ray following another viewing of Marnie’s now infamous “What I Am” Charlie-leaked video, Marnie announces her resignation as a frustrated barista and appears to be rising from the ashes, so to speak. Marnie, the phoenix, might very well (finally!) rise again in a future episode with some maturity-promoting, post-Charlie emotional knowledge.

As the episode comes to a close, we are manipulated into thinking “Hey, maybe Hannah is actually going to console Adam and admit that her coldness with regards to David’s death was a justifiable source of bewildering anguish for Adam.” However, what we’re given is Hannah directly lifting a made-up childhood death story from Adam’s sister Caroline. Adam seems to absorb this moment as something real, while Hannah willingly (?) dives even further into her selfish disconnect. This display of twice-removed plagiarized emotions will likely have an unfortunate ripple effect on Hannah and Adam’s relationship.

Rating

A +

Though quite unsettling in numerous scenes, this episode highlights the re-arrival of Hannah’s life-altering selfishness. The writing allows for sympathy surrounding this fact, but such sympathy or the capacity for anything even closely related to “feeling sorry for” is quickly destroyed with the last scene (Hannah’s plagiarized death story). As previously stated, this episode is likely indicative of future relationship troubles for Hannah and Adam. Also, Marnie’s phoenix-rising status is of note, especially to fans of the character who have felt somewhat underwhelmed by her participation in major plot points thus far.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

“I feel like my bandana collection is, like, my most developed collection. My array of bandanas is insane.” — Shoshanna

“Why don’t you place just one crumb of basic human compassion on this fat free muffin of sociopathic detachment? See how it tastes.” — Ray to Hannah

“If you died, the world would blur. I wouldn’t know what a tree was.” — Adam to Hannah

“When you die, how would you feel if a bunch of judgmental creeps, celibate against their will, snarkily reported on every fuckin’ detail of your body decomposing?” — Adam’s opinion of Gawker to Hannah

Season Nine, Episode 16: “How Your Mother Met Me”

Written by Carter Bays & Craig Thomas; Directed by Pamela Fryman

On this week’s HIMYM, we see the full story (more or less) on how The Mother arrived at the wedding. For longtime fans of the show, we also see the many times she almost crossed paths with Ted that we’ve seen in previous seasons. This is a momentous episode for the series, as well as the saddest episode (I’ve never needed so many tissues while watching a sitcom).

Quick Breakdown

It’s September 2005, and Barney is playing a little game he likes to call “Have you met Ted?” But this isn’t about how Ted met Robin that night, because on the other side of town, at another bar called MacLaren’s, The Mother is celebrating her 21^st birthday. Except her celebrations are cut short when she learns that her boyfriend Max has died in an accident that night. She goes home to mourn and finds his last present for her, a ukulele.

It’s now April 2008, and The Mother is still in mourning, apparently. Her roommate and close friend forces her to go out for St. Patrick’s Day. While waiting in line for the bathroom, she sees an old friend, Mitch. He teaches underprivileged children in the Bronx, and The Mother volunteers her cello for his students. He comes home with her, and pulls The Naked Man (remember that episode?). She doesn’t fall for it, but has an existential crisis instead. Still naked, Mitch gives her a pep talk to inspire her dream of wanting to end poverty. As their heartfelt moment ends, she remembers she left her yellow umbrella at the club. But it’s closed by the time she gets there, and come next morning, Ted has already taken it.

Her dream of ending poverty, however, leads her to an econ college class in the fall of 2009. Her accidental teacher that day is Ted, who has mistaken that class for his Architecture course (remember?). She spills her life story to Cindy (Rachel Bilson!), whom she then invites to be her roommate, since her friend has just moved out. She also tells Cindy that she has had her One True Love and does not foresee herself falling for anyone else any time soon (or ever).

Cut to later, when Ted has started dating Cindy, and we see him once again in The Mother’s apartment, picking up things that are hers and expounding on how much he likes those things. That’s when he just misses seeing The Mother and leaves behind the yellow umbrella. She’s amazed that the umbrella has returned to her, but Cindy is in tears having broken up with Ted. Cindy then uses this moment to announce her love for The Mother, and she gives her a kiss. But, obviously, The Mother is not a lesbian; and Cindy moves on and finds another girl instead (Remember when we saw Cindy with Gossip Girl’s Kaylee DeFer on the subway? Yeah, that’s coming up).

The Mother, ever an over-sharer (just like Ted), tells the story of Cindy to Darren (Andrew Rannells is back!). We see how they met, when he modestly got himself invited into her band for a performance. Jump to April 2012, and he’s taken over the band, leaving poor bass-playing Mother all alone. A handsome lad named Louis comes to her aid, and they have a mild flirtation that soon builds into her first real relationship since Max. But can she fall for Louis when she is still hung up on her dead boyfriend?

When Ted runs into Cindy on the subway, he learns of The Mother’s band and hires her for the wedding. She is staying at Louis’ place, which is conveniently near the Farhampton Inn, when she learns of the Bass Player Wanted ad placed by Darren. We see in a quick montage how she chatted with Lily, picked up Marshall, and bought scotch for Ted after he got rid of Darren. When she gets back to the house that night, Louis surprises her with a marriage proposal.

Unsure of what to say, she goes outside to talk to Max, spilling her mixed feelings for Louis and her inability to let Max go. She accepts that she needs to move on, but she does not accept Louis’ proposal. She leaves his house and gets a room at the Inn (since the mother of the bride never checked in). Amidst tears, she pulls out the ukulele that Max got her and sings “La Vie en Rose” on the balcony. We get a quick montage of everyone, seeing where they are at this moment, most of them looking lost in life. Barney polishes off a bottle while Ted sits on his balcony listening to the Mother’s heartbreaking performance. He goes inside to tell Barney how incredible that rendition was, but Barney has vanished.

Rating

A+

So many answers, so many tears. This episode is so poignant and heart-wrenching that I actually bawled. Cristin Milioti does such a superb job with this episode — I want more episodes focused on her. For those who have watched this show from the beginning, we get to finally see how The Mother’s life intersected with Ted’s, and how close they came to almost meeting before the true first time. This will forever be one of the definitive episodes of the series.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

We still don’t know The Mother’s name! Will we ever?

“Girl, I will sham-rock your world.” – Barney to the Mother’s roommate

When the Mother meets Louis there are posters that read “Save the Arcadian” posted on the wall behind her — a callback to Ted’s campaign to save that building.

“Last time I was here I thought this place was called Puzzles.” – Louis to the Mother as they have a drink at MacLaren’s (the one we know and love) — a callback to an earlier episode when Ted renamed the bar when he and Barney ran it.

When two-headed axe-behemoth Warren Haynes and Derek Trucks recently announced that 2014 would be their final year in the Allman Brothers ranks, some fans feared the end may be nigh for the legendary band.

They were right. According to Relix, Gregg Allman is ready to close up shop along with his departing bandmates at the end of the year.

“This is it — this is the end of it,” he says. “45 years is enough and I want to do something else, anyway. Everyone has their own real good perspective bands.” However, he didn’t nail down the coffin just yet. “We may get together every five years and just do one play at a time,” he says.

Overall, this is incredibly sad news, but it’s also fitting. These giants are going out on top, with arguably the best line-up in their history (barring, probably, the original with Duane Allman and Dickey Betts).

Gregg Allman will continue with his solo projects, which has recently expanded into a more full-fledged band with the addition of a horn section and ABB percussion whiz Marc Quiñones. Meanwhile, Haynes is carrying on with his solo work and his other stellar outfit, Gov’t Mule; Trucks will put his creative focus into the Tedeschi Trucks Band.

SPOILERS AHEAD, so witch your step, Coven fans!

Season Three, Episode 13: “The Seven Wonders”

Written by: Douglas Petrie; Directed by: Alfonso Gomez-Rejon

This week’s season finale reveals America’s Next Supreme, and this wouldn’t be AHS without a couple twists along the way. The Twitter-verse has already exploded with seemingly a lot of backlash (so few seem to enjoy Ryan Murphy’s particular brand of camp and chaos); but this is the most controlled and earned finale of the series so far.

Quick Breakdown

Stevie Nicks kicks off this finale by returning to Robichaux’s to serenade the girls as they study up for their trials. Naturally, Stevie sings “Seven Wonders.” As her musical number ends, she leaves the final contestants of America’s Next Supreme standing on the grand staircase: Zoe, Madison, Queenie, and Misty.

Myrtle and Cordelia oversee the trials; Myrtle wants to start with the more difficult tasks. First up: Telekinesis. Misty shows the most difficulty in pulling a candlestick to her with her mind. The others pull it off effortlessly (not sure how this is one of the more difficult tasks, but OK, Myrtle). Continuing with the mind games, Concilium is up next. Misty and Queenie make each other slap themselves and pull their own hair, but Madison decides to have a little more fun — she makes Kyle come over and make out with her in front of Zoe. She retaliates by drawing Kyle over to her. Madison gets angry and makes Kyle choke Zoe. Cordelia has to interfere and force the girls to stop.

Next up is possibly the most difficult task: the descent to Hell (descensum). The girls all lay down next each other and chant the incantation to send them to their own personal Hells. Queenie returns from Chubbie’s first, having already been through this particular trial (although she is unnerved that the experience was identical to the last one). Madison is next to awake, having escaped a live network musical performance of The Sound of Music in which she starred not as the lead but as Liesl. (Oh the shade of it all, Mr. Murphy!) Zoe’s Hell is more personal, being trapped in a loop of Kyle breaking up with her.

It’s Misty, however, who does not seem able to wake up. She’s trapped in a high school science lab, being forced to dissect a frog. Due to her powers, she merely continues to bring it back to life. Killing an innocent creature proves too nightmarish for her, and Misty does not return from the netherworld before the timer ends. She crumbles into a pile of dust as Cordelia holds her, trying to bring her back. The competition just got thinner.

Transmutation is up next, and the girls use the opportunity to let off some steam by playing tag. They transmute (or teleport) about the manor, soon chasing each other outside. Cordelia, ever a mother, tells them to be careful. But girls just want to have fun. Until Zoe transmutes onto a stake on the fence, game time over. They drag her to the greenhouse (because it’s basically their ER); and Cordelia challenges the girls to perform vitalum vitalis to bring her back. Queenie fails, and Madison uses this opportunity to snatch the Supremacy. She proves her skills on a fly she kills and revives, but she won’t bring Zoe back because she would then be back in the competition.

Cordelia is at a loss — she can’t stand the idea of Madison in control of the coven. Myrtle comes up with a wild idea: Cordelia should perform the Seven Wonders. She does have royal blood flowing through her. Via a quick montage, Cordelia catches up on the trials already performed, showing aplomb. (Her personal Hell involves being bitch slapped by Fiona, nothing she hasn’t handled before.)

Having caught up with Madison, the two face off on the Divination challenge (at this point, Cordelia has side-stepped the vitalum vitalis — for dramatic storytelling purposes). Cordelia divines the location of an item left behind by a former Supreme. But Madison does not possess the skills of divination and fails miserably. At a loss, she throws a huge temper tantrum and threatens to run off to TMZ and reveal the existence of witches.

She storms upstairs to pack up her wardrobe. Kyle stops by to unleash some pent-up rage. He attacks her, asking why she wouldn’t revive Zoe. Madison tries to shed some tears as she confesses she loves him. “You’re not that good an actress,” Kyle says as he chokes her to death. With Madison dead, Spalding appears to look at his dead, again, doll. He then helps Kyle clean up the mess, making it appear that Madison just left the manor as she said she would.

In the greenhouse, Cordelia performs vitalum vitalis on Zoe, bringing her back to life. Having done so, at the same moment that life is choked from Madison, Cordelia collapses. When she stands back up we’re reminded that the Supreme exhibits full health, and so Cordelia’s eyes have been returned to her head, and she looks positively radiant.

Time jumps ahead fast as Cordelia does a breakout TV interview outing them all as witches. Her monologue is a thinly veiled message about coming out of the closet. Vampires must really be out now as the metaphorical homosexual, and Ryan Murphy is declaring witches the new metaphor. (In case that wasn’t already apparent in the campiest season of TV to ever grace our screens.) Cordelia encourages young witches, confused by their powers, to come down to New Orleans.

Myrtle is proud of her little Cordelia, but there is some unfinished business. To have a truly respectable reign, Myrtle insists that she be burned at the stake for murdering the Council. Cordelia doesn’t want to see her true mother burned at the stake, again; but Myrtle forces her. As she approaches her pyre, Stevie’s “Silver Springs” plays in the background. Myrtle’s final word to the world is “BALENCIAGA.”

A massive line of girls lurks outside the gates of Robichaux Academy. But before Cordelia can welcome in a new generation of witches, there is one more person she has to deal with: Fiona. She’s back! Never trust a death unless you see the actual body (and Coven has taught us not even to trust that). Turns out, Fiona inceptioned the Axeman into believing he killed her and encouraging him to go on a rampage at the manor so that the coven would get rid of him for her. Then she assumed Cordelia would crown the next Supreme so that Fiona could swoop in and murder her.

She didn’t, however, expect to have to kill her own daughter. Looking insanely haggard (I assume Lange will be submitting this scene in her Emmy reel), Fiona has a heart-to-heart chat with Cordelia. They hug, and Fiona dies in her daughter’s arms. Fiona then awakes in her personal Hell. It’s a bleak country cabin where the Axeman brings home a pair of catfish for dinner. The Axeman complains that she wakes up every morning confused as to where she is, instigating a fight between them, and eventually realizing how her afterlife is a fitting punishment for the life she led. It’s like they’re trapped in Fifty First Dates for eternity. Papa Legba laughs as he looks on.

Cordelia wipes away the stray tear, and promotes her remaining witches — Zoe and Queenie — to be the Council. Together, they welcome in the horde of new witches, with Kyle taking up Spalding’s vacated position as the help. Cordelia promises an era of thriving for witches, instead of just hiding and surviving (as she was encouraging her students to do in the first episode). This is by far the most optimistic ending for AHS, and I’m not mad at all.

Rating

A

This season decided to forego trying to out-gore and out-horror itself, and embraced the comedy of the genre instead. It was a campy, trendy season; and this finale tied it all together with a big bow. I found it to be immensely satisfying, and definitely one of the greater messes (or beautiful disasters, depending on how you view Murphy) we’ve seen from TV’s most-derided, most-watched showrunner.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

As they begin the Seven Wonders, Myrtle says, “Madison, obviously this is your bailiwick.” Madison dismissively says, “Whatever that means.”

“Crown me or kiss my ass.” – Madison

“I didn’t know the test came in braille.” – Madison’s snarky commentary on Cordelia performing the trials.

During Cordelia’s TV interview, we see that up next “Liza Minnelli talks about her hip.”

SPOILERS AHEAD, so study up cautiously, Community buffs…

Season Five, Episode Six: “Analysis of Cork-Based Networking”

Written by: Monica Padrick; Directed by: Tristram Shapeero

No fancy parodies this week, but Community does mock Game of Thrones culture. Also, Annie and Hickey have some political-like drama trying to get a corkboard hung in the cafeteria. And with a stream of random cameos, you can’t say life at Greendale is ever dull.

Quick Breakdown

The Save Greendale Committee has added a newest member: Chang. But Annie has more important things she wants to get done this meeting. She assigns Hickey to get the corkboard rehung in the cafeteria, and Britta and Abed to take a student census (to help them get past their arguing: see next paragraph). Annie volunteers to do the decorations for the midterm dance, cuing Shirley, Jeff, Chang and Duncan to join in, knowing she’ll do all the work.

Bloodlines of Conquest is a TV series (that sounds exactly like Game of Thrones) that all the guys in the committee are obsessed with. Britta, though, has only just started watching, so when Abed describes the show to the others and mentions the dragons, she cries “Spoiler Alert!” (Don’t you just hate those people?) Abed does, and tells her it’s not his fault she’s waited three seasons to start watching. She threatens him in turn by saying she’ll read all the books and spoil the ending for him, which he succinctly calls insane.

Hickey goes to his janitor buddy to ask about the corkboard, but he gets shot down pretty quickly for lack of a work order. He sighs resignedly and returns to Annie saying he gave it a shot. She all but laughs in his face, and takes things into her own hands, showing him how it’s done. She goes to the janitors, having learned their names and life story, and plays nice. One janitor puts in the work order, but it will take three to five business months. When Annie complains, she’s informed that only a custodian could bump it up the docket.

Britta goes around the hallways skim-reading the books, looking for dramatic reveals. But Abed is prepared for her and is wearing noise-cancellation headphones. As he ignores her, he gives the census survey to a deaf girl and they bond as Britta watches. When she leaves, Britta drily asks, “Are you going to have another intense burst of compatibility with a girl we’re never gonna see again?” (She is referring to the coat check girl incident from season four’s “Herstory of Dance” episode.)

Annie and Hickey pop into the custodian mixer, hoping to make some friends. They get referred to Chief Custodian Waite (played by Castle’s Nathan Fillion! One week after Chang declared him his same-sex celebrity crush, no less), who tells them he’d be happy to move their work order up. But he wants them to get his internet sites unblocked in return (so he can watch porn, Hickey spells out for Annie). Hickey knows the IT girl (played by Criminal Minds’ Paget Brewster), who would be happy to unblock the sites in exchange for better parking spots. Annie is starting to get too aggressive about this corkboard.

With Annie caught up in a game of favors, the rest of the committee must come up with a theme for the midterm dance. Chang suggests they go with a bear theme saying they should, “Bear Down for Midterms.” No one gets it, forcing Chang to spell it out. They are hesitant to agree, until he ugly cries and pulls the race card. They cave quickly after that. But when a student comes in and sees all the bears, he chastises them for being so heartless, since a child’s birthday party was just ruined by a bear attack that morning.

Britta continues to hide spoilers in Abed’s path, but he deftly avoids them. Instead, he spends his time learning sign language so he can flirt with the deaf girl. He learns phrases like “I learned how to say this in sign language” to impress her (even though she can read lips perfectly). It seems like they’re really hitting it off. Plus, there are a lot of sign language jokes.

Annie and Hickey approach the parking department head Waldron (Last Resort’s Robert Patrick) with their request. He’d be happy to help, but he has much higher stakes in this corkboard. He wants to control student parking through the flyers they hang up, enforcing extra fees for carpooling. Hickey sees the danger in this, but Annie is too single-minded to care. She agrees to give him control of the board through the Dean’s permission in exchange for the parking space.

The Dean, ever happy to please, agrees as well, and proposes a margarita toast. Hickey won’t partake in the toast, claiming he won’t say “easy-peasy lemon-squeezy.” His real issue though is the control she’d be relinquishing to Waldron. When he brings it up, the Dean is appalled and rescinds his offer to create the position, leaving Annie without a corkboard.

She sulks into the cafeteria where she is greeted by a banner that says “Fat Dog for Midterms.” The committee tries to play it off as a hip phrase, having turned their bear decorations into “fat dogs” to cover up their insensitivity. Annie isn’t buying it, until they all cry and pull the race card. She defers to them, and the dance goes on with the Fat Dog theme.

At the dance, Abed and the deaf girl are really bonding, until she signs to him a plot twist that sounds remarkably like the Red Wedding. Abed is devastated, and Britta sweeps in handing cash to the girl while looking smug. “To the spoiler goes the victory,” she gloats. Abed is mad that Britta interfered with their flirtation just to win one over on him. He chases after her, but bumps into coat check girl Rachel (indie darling Brie Larson) instead. They play off how they haven’t seen each other in awhile, and then Abed asks her out to dinner.

In the cafeteria, Hickey has brought his office corkboard to hang up. Once it’s screwed in the wall, the Dean brings in security to hall Hickey away for the violation. Annie jumps on one of the security guards’ backs, and soon all her friends join in the tussle. The Dean calls off the men, giving them this small victory.

Chang leads everyone in a line dance based on the Fat Dog theme. But Garrett bumps into one of the fat dogs and the ears fall off, revealing a bear. “It’s a bear dance!”, he screams.

Rating

B+

The episode had plenty of funny moments, and I enjoyed the mocking of Game of Thrones spoilers. Annie’s adventures with Hickey showed just another side of how absurd the world of Greendale really is, which is why we love it so much. But do we really need more Chang and Duncan? Does anyone even find them funny any more (or ever)? Also, Jeff had about three lines this week; I guess that’s to counterbalance how Jeff-heavy the first few episodes were.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

“I don’t start watching shows until they’re so popular that watching them is no longer a statement.” – Britta on why she only just started watching Bloodlines of Conquest

“Chang, your last idea was to murder.” – Annie dismissing Chang’s suggestion for the dance (which he concedes with a knowing shrug)

“Welcome to the labyrinth, kid,” Hickey says to Annie as she begins to see how difficult it is to get things done in this school, “only there ain’t no puppets and bisexual rock stars down here.”

“Man, this got Sorkin-y.” – the Dean after Hickey and Annie argue in front of him

While Hickey watches the news, a BREAKING NEWS alert scrolls along the bottom saying, “Levar Burton and non-celebrity companion captured by pirates in the Gulf of Mexico.” (Is this how we’ll follow Troy’s adventures?)

In the tag, Duncan makes a call to get more staples and chooses instead to access “Marigold.” This prompts him to select one of three code name options and he chooses “Arcadia.” With a few prompts it seems he’s activated some form of military operation. He tries to cancel it quickly after that realization. Was this all a throwaway bit? Or is this foreshadowing for something later?

Zappa Plays Zappa may fool some people into thinking it a cash cow.

Frank Zappa died far too young in 1993, succumbing to a long struggle with prostate cancer, capping off his substantial legacy with the orchestral collection The Yellow Shark. Though the influence of classical music, particularly that of Igor Stravinsky, is a strain that runs vividly through Zappa’s oeuvre, The Yellow Shark signaled a potentially more fertile future for his musical ventures. When his life met its unfortunately early close, however, this exciting potential abruptly halted. As a result, Zappa Plays Zappa, led by Frank’s guitar virtouoso son Dweezil, will either come off one of two ways: (1) As a son lovingly carrying out his father’s legacy by playing music; or, if you’re a cynic, (2) As a family trying to milk as much out of Frank’s legacy as possible.

Frank himself certainly had a critical eye for a range of contemporary ideological follies, capitalism being one of them, so perhaps such cynicism might make sense as an instinctive reaction. Moreover, on average, tribute bands are more likely to be the butt of a joke than anything else; when one thinks about it, tribute bands are more often not comprised entirely of the most hardcore fanboys and fangirls of the band in question.

For Zappa Plays Zappa, however, the answer is fortunately (1). “You can call us a tribute band, sure,” Dweezil says in the Roxy and Elsewhere 40th Anniversary Tour EPK: “You know why I don’t care if you call us a tribute band? I’m paying tribute to my father’s music in the most honest sense of the word.” “Paying tribute” is an understatement; Zappa Plays Zappa is a project thoroughly obsessed with and entrenched in the sounds of Zappa Senior, a fact aided significantly by the top-tier musical prowess of the musicians on stage. (Steve Vai, whom Zappa called his “stunt guitarist,” once toured with the band.) To that end, they certainly fit many of the stereotypes about tribute bands — but all of it stops there. Having both Dweezil’s and the Zappa Family Trust’s name behind the project grants the proceedings nominal legitimacy, sure, but amazingly this doesn’t sound like a tribute band doing Zappa’s music. Based on the many live albums Zappa released, the performers onstage could have fit in any of Zappa’s band’s easily — Dweezil, of course, has a upper hand here, what with the biological relations and all.

On a Friday night in Portland, Oregon — just blocks away from a building side painted with the immortal, unofficial city slogan: “KEEP PORTLAND WEIRD” — Dweezil leads his band of merry, perverted musicians through a dizzying revue of Zappa classics. The bulk of the set is taken up by an entire run-through of the 1974 live album Roxy & Elsewhere, which Frank recorded with his legendary Mothers of Invention. With the lineup of Dweezil (guitar), Scheila Gonzalez (saxophone, flute, keyboards, vocals), Ben Thomas (vocals, trombone, trumpet, various noisemakers), Chris Norton (Keyboards), Kurt Morgan (bass guitar), and Ryan Brown (drums), Zappa Plays Zappa takes to Roxy’s daunting setlist with aplomb.

Not only do they meet the challenge at the technical level, effortlessly zipping through the knotty passages of “Echidna’s Arf (Of You)” and “Don’t You Ever Wash That Thing,” but they also perform the original skits and comedic banter present in the LP version of Roxy. In this arena, Gonzalez and Thomas are the two key players; the former’s jaw-dropping multi-instrumental capabilities impressively does not halt her from dominating the visual gags in “Dummy Up,” and the latter’s scarily good ability to channel Frank’s singing voice has to be heard to be believed. Gonzalez also has a killer Eric Cartman impression — anachronistic however in the Roxy set. Some members of the Roseland Theatre’s crowd, which this evening was largely nearing geriatric, liked Gonzalez’ success in the joint-smoking jokes in “Dummy Up” that they themselves take to lighting up some of Colorado’s finest, adding an ambiance that most Portland natives are no doubt familiar with.

The humor of the evening hit its apex with “Be-Bop Tango,” the lengthy finale of the Roxy LP. As Dweezil finishes the song’s opening salvo, he tells the audience that there will be audience participation involved — suffice it to say there was no shortage of volunteers. He calls up four women to the stage, who are joined by a rather enthusiastic young man who went up onstage without being called. During the jerky time signatures of the “Be-Bop Tango,” Dweezil gives the volunteers absurd instructions: He tells the young man to do a “mating dance” to impress the women — “something you’d see on the Discovery Channel” — and the women are told to dance like “burlesque leopard babies” — no doubt a long-lost Zappa song title. Bearing his father’s twisted sense of humor, Zappa instructs the women pretending to be leopard babies: “Imagine you have something like epilepsy combined… it’s not okay to make fun of the afflicted, but in this case, it’s okay.” One of the many rewards of the evening is that it’s not just Frank’s music that is alive and present in the room.

After a textbook execution of the Roxy album, without taking a break, the band dives into a second set comprised of various highlights from Frank’s career. Oddly enough, the Roxy material feels almost more like a warm-up to the second half’s tentacular reach into the Zappa catalogue. “The Black Page,” one of Frank’s most notorious pieces, is performed in full, including a pitch-perfect execution of that song’s blistering drum solo. “What’s New in Baltimore?” gives the chance for some humorous chat beneath the musicians (Gonzales/Thomas: “What’s new in Baltimore?” Dweezil: “I don’t know, because we’re in Portland, Oregon.”) Classic Zappa button-pushers like “Teenage Prostitute” and “Broken Hearts are for Assholes” are given sterling treatment. Best of all is the nice emphasis on the bluesy side of Frank’s music; “The Torture Never Stops” is an ideal continuation of the themes developed in Roxy’s “More Trouble Everyday,” which are then brought up again with opening encore number “Stinkfoot.” Jazz and blues came naturally to Frank (“Jazz isn’t dead… it’s very smooth,” Dweezil tells the audience), the latter moreso than a great deal of his many genre explorations. “The Torture Never Stops” and “More Trouble Everyday” bring equal parts killer hook and tasty instrumentation to the table; the crowd, unsurprisingly, goes wild when Zappa Plays Zappa captures that combination.

In a sense, however, the word “capture” in that previous sentence is misleading. What makes this performance so stellar is that it never feels like imitation, even really good imitation. One can classify Zappa Plays Zappa as a tribute band if so inclined; if that is the case, then they’re an extremely good tribute band, perhaps the best working in the business at the present moment. But I have a hard time categorizing Zappa Plays Zappa as such because it doesn’t feel like Frank has left the room; these musicians capture his spirit from beginning to end, in all of its nuanced facets. Sadly, Zappa died before I had the chance to see him perform live; but, if nothing else, the jubilant reaction of the crowd surrounding me, many of whom have seen Zappa Plays Zappa and Frank Zappa himself perform, confirms this sense of mine. Rather than opt for an endless barrage of overpriced and fussy reissues, the Zappa Family Trust has wisely placed the task of bringing Frank’s music constantly back into the public consciousness in this unbelievable, wild, and supremely entertaining outfit. If this isn’t how you carry on a posthumous legacy, I don’t know how else you could conceivably do it.

Zappa Plays Zappa Portland, Oregon Setlist [Author’s Note: “The Torture Never Stops” should be in the place of “Florentine Pogen”]

Season Three, Episode Five: “Only Child”

Written by Murray Miller; Directed by Tricia Brock

The disappointing but inevitable turning point initiated by last week’s episode continues with resilience in “Only Child,” pitting Hannah and Caroline against each other in what essentially is a battle of selves — Caroline, of course, serving as a reflection of Hannah’s own behavior and faults, to which Hannah’s reaction is predictably drastic if not necessarily so.

Quick Breakdown

Funerals are a tough room, so to speak. For Hannah and Adam (mainly Hannah), though, a funeral (David’s, respectively) provides an unmatched atmosphere seemingly rife with potential brouhahas. The audience is gifted with two comparably bewildering revelations here: David had a wife and, to the existential chagrin of Hannah, the publishing house has dropped all of David’s projects in the wake of his death. “So, my book is dead?” opines Hannah to David’s distraught wife (who, upon their meeting, initially mistakes Hannah for “Paige,” an reportedly obese and tourettes-prone client of David’s), immediately banishing thoughts of grief or condolence. David’s wife begrudgingly recommends Hannah to a new publisher, paired with the insistence that she “get the fuck out.”

Back at home, Hannah decides to put on her Dr. Phil hat and attempt a truce between Adam and his sister Caroline, who is still crashing indefinitely at Hannah and Adam’s apartment. This scene provides some of the funniest yet saddest moments of the episode, specifically Caroline’s sudden proclamation that Adam possesses some sort of repressed sexual desire toward her (prompting Adam’s “I don’t wanna fuck my sister!” interjection). It’s become quite clear, at this point in Girls, that Caroline is more or less a reflection of both Adam and Hannah’s worst qualities, which prompts them both to respond with a harsh and unrelenting decisiveness.

Jessa and Shoshanna take the backseat for this episode, merely showing up to bicker briefly about Jessa’s continual interruption of Shoshanna’s “15 year success plan” and Jessa’s sudden desire to find a new line of work with a touch of innocence (a desire that prompts Shoshanna to remind her of her very storied criminal record). Marnie, however, leaps forward from the backseat and into the thick of it all by showing up at Ray’s door, demanding that he psychologically dissect. “I want you to tell me what’s wrong with me,” she says, patently aloof to her very transparent character traits. Ray does just that, which clearly saddens Marnie, yet leads to the two of them sleeping together. Classically, Marnie leaves by telling Ray that she would never “advertise this” and that he should “fuck off.”

Hannah’s funeral-born publisher recommendation pays off quite well. In fact, the new publisher wants to abandon the e-book format and, instead, wants Hannah’s book on actual shelves. The publishers humorously but very flatteringly compare Hannah to both Mindy Kaling and Joan Didion. Hannah’s excitement about this news is profoundly short-lived, however, as a phonecall from her father reveals that her original contract with David’s publishing house will prevent her newly revived book from being “let go” for up to three years. Hannah seems to take this frustration out on Caroline when, following an explosive argument, she kicks her out of the apartment. This angers Adam, who leaves Hannah alone to pout ostensibly on the couch.

Rating

A +

“Only Child” is the final kick in the throat for anyone who thought that Hannah had tackled her demons. The groundwork for deterioration laid by last week’s episode gives way to a foundation of future follies, to both the chagrin and delight of loyal viewers.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

“Calm down, kid. It’s a funeral.” — Adam to Hannah at David’s funeral

“Adam, will you join us at the listening table?” — Hannah to Adam

“Just get a normal job and an apartment like everyone else and stop bloodsucking.” — Adam to Caroline

“I don’t wanna fuck my sister!” — Adam

“Rudy represents sandwiches. Not art.” – Hannah to her father

SPOILERS AHEAD, so proceed with caution, you Mother lovers!

Season Nine, Episode 17: “Sunrise”

Written by: Carter Bays & Craig Thomas; Directed by: Pamela Fryman

This week’s episode is entitled “Sunrise” because of a picturesque moment at the end of the episode, but it could also have been named “The Locket, Part Two” because we finally learn what happened to Robin’s locket. (And it includes more guest stars on HIMYM’s walk down memory lane.) It could also have been renamed “Ghost Therapy” because Marshall’s overactive imagination leads to some helpful marital advice.

Quick Breakdown

Two young guys are walking down a deserted road, complaining about how they couldn’t get laid at their party. (Could these be the new, young characters in the HIMYM spinoff series How I Met Your Dad?*) Amidst all our tears last week, we saw Barney sneak out of Ted’s room, completely wasted. He shows up now, stumbling on this deserted road, and approaches the guys. He gives them one look and says, “I’m gonna teach you how to live.” He also vomits in the midst of this sentence.

In his room, Marshall is complaining to the front desk about the heat in his room, but he’s informed that the ghost of Dearduff prefers the room muggy. Marshall would like to comment on the fact that ghosts aren’t real, but he’s having a conversation with Ghost Lily. She’s telling him that he was going to lose their argument, and that’s why the real Lily stormed off. He doesn’t believe that, why else would Lily leave unless she was going to lose. But Ghost Lily tells him she left because he’s actually mad with the 2006 Lily, who subsequently appears. This could be a long night.

On the beach, Robin and Ted are in search of Barney. She makes a joke about how maybe Barney left her (that does happen a lot on this show), which naturally leads to talk of Stella. Robin then asks if Ted’s talk to her recently. He lies. Because, as we saw in the season premiere, Ted went to see her in LA. He called her about Robin’s locket, which he suspected she may have accidentally gotten in their split. She can’t believe he’s still hung up on Robin but concedes it may be in her storage locker. She just doesn’t have time to check. Hence why Ted flew out to LA.

Part of Barney’s education for the boys is taking them to a strip club. Magically, one appears: The Crab Shed. Barney shows them how to have a good time, and they enjoy it immensely. But they’re still not sure how this will help them talk to girls. Naturally, they need some suits. (To be fair, one guy is dressed in a hoodie and the other in a plaid shirt with relaxed-fit jeans — if not a suit, they definitely need some new clothes).

2006 Lily has some lame quips about how she wants to know if James Blunt has had a series of hit singles like we all expected him to. (While I, personally, had wondered whatever happened to Blunt a couple of months ago, I know no one actually expected him to have any more hit singles.) Marshall tells the Lilies that when 2006 Lily left him for San Francisco, it was the saddest he’s ever been. The Ghost of his Father appears to call him out on that. (There is also a Ghost Robin in the room, but she’s reading a magazine and doesn’t really care about what’s going on.) He tells Marshall that he doesn’t get to just hurt Lily back because she hurt him. Marriage doesn’t work like that (we’re learning a lot about how marriage works this season).

Speaking of Stella, Robin tells Ted that the gang has an e-mail chain going ranking his five best relationships; and Stella is on it. Ted is amused and wants to hear the list.

Ted’s Five Best Relationships: 5. Stella; 4. Zoey; 3. The Slutty Pumpkin; 2. Marshall (that time they pretended to be a gay couple); 1. Victoria.

Speaking of Victoria, has Ted talked to her recently? He lies, again. While rummaging through Stella’s storage locker, he talks with Victoria. She knows where the locket is! It’s around her neck at that exact moment. Ted says he’ll just swing by and get it, but she’s all the way in Germany. So, instead, she mails it to him overnight. But when he never gets the package, he calls the delivery company. They claim that Ted’s wife, Jeanette Mosby, picked it up. Not Jeanette!

Luckily for the boys, Tim Gunn is available for a suit fitting. He dresses them up while joking with Barney. Barney then takes them to the party, where their suits make them look handsome. He teaches them the “Have you met ______?” move, and they are eternally grateful. Before Barney leaves them to it, he has one last thing to impart to them, The Playbook. He may have gotten rid of the actual book, but he’s written down the plays on a pile of napkins, which he hands to them. They are in awe, and it seems that Barney has “bettered” the next generation of men and can focus on marrying Robin now.

Ghost Lily tells Marshall that they’ll stay in New York. He’s thrilled that he will win the argument. But Ghost Lily tells him it’s not winning. In marriage, you don’t look at it like winning and losing, Lily shouldn’t be an enemy. And if he doesn’t realize this, then eventually, slowly, he will actually lose her. And, having learned this moral, he’s ready to apologize when the real Lily returns to him. But she merely tells him that they’ll be staying in New York, it only makes sense. Hopefully, this is the last major conflict for this couple; we don’t need OTP (One True Pairing) couples in fake jeopardy in the final two months of the series.

As she thinks about Ted’s best relationships, Robin’s mind wanders to another list they’ve discussed as regards him.

Ted’s Five Worst Relationships: 5. Blah Blah; 4. Boats! Boats! Boats! ; 3. Karen; 2. Zoe (yes, she makes it on both lists); 1. Jeanette.

Has Ted talked to Jeanette recently? He lies, again. He had called her about the locket, and she is offended that another woman is sending him jewelry. But when he tells her it belongs to Robin, even she can’t believe he’s still hung up on Robin. They meet at Central Park so she can give him the locket, but instead she dangles it over the bridge. He needs to move on from Robin, so she drops the locket into the river. So I guess Ted won’t be giving Robin the best wedding present ever (despite his skills).

In the present, though, Ted finally confesses his remaining feelings for Robin. Then, he confesses his big move to Chicago. This is a pretty intense morning for Robin. She’s sad to hear all this news (she’s even sadder that he couldn’t be with Victoria, but that’s because she hasn’t met The Mother yet) — but she’s ready to encourage him to move on. They have an emotional moment, and then Robin floats up into the sky, like a Biblical prophet might. Talk about heavy-handed imagery.

Rating

B-

More fun guest stars — HIMYM is trying to make a callback to every past episode this season, it seems — but do we need even more episodes about Ted’s love for Robin? Fortunately, this seems to be the final one. With a lot of this residual emotionality dealt with (for Ted, for Marshall & Lily, for Barney even), maybe this final stretch of episodes will look towards the future for these beloved characters. There were some great moments in this episode, but it just felt too jam-packed with stuff.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

*They’ve actually posted the casting call for the spinoff series, and I don’t think these two guys would fit the bill.

“I’m always open for my friends.” – Tim Gunn

“Ted — sorry, force of habit.” – Barney accidentally referring to his new mentees as Ted.

“It’s been a really long week.” – Ted

“In your ethereal face, Ghost Lily.” – Marshall bragging when he “wins” the argument

“Give at least as many high fives as you get.” – Barney’s parting advice to the boys

In the tag, as Ted and Robin stare at the sunrise, Ted asks her if, on their first date, she wanted him to kiss her. She says yes.

If you have cable (or an internet connection), you’ve probably heard that the Red Hot Chili Peppers weren’t playing their instruments during their Super Bowl performance of “Give It Away” with Bruno Mars last weekend. While Anthony Kiedis was actually singing live on-stage, his bandmates (guitarist Josh Klinghoffer, bassist Flea, and drummer Chad Smith) were all miming to a backing track, as Flea admitted yesterday on the band’s website. Of course, ever since, self-righteous douchebags across the country (most likely sweaty middle-aged bachelors who think REAL ROCK IS DEAD) have been venting about this atrocity, pegging the band as a funk-rock Milli Vanilli or claiming they’ve “sold out” by agreeing to this whole Super Bowl ordeal in the first place.

Those people are idiots. Regardless of your opinion on their music, Red Hot Chili Peppers are a fucking institution: They’ve been touring (in amplified form!) for over three decades, and they’ve continued to evolve and make music on their own terms — from their early days blending Funkadelic and punk and hip-hop to their more recent days as L.A. psychedelic-rock craftsmen. Do you realize how many times these guys have played their instruments for people?

As Flea says in his open-letter, the band recorded a musical backing track for the gig because the NFL demanded it. If you’ve attended a concert of any kind, you might realize how long and complicated it is setting up a band’s equipment — a live rock show is as unpredictable as a Jackson nipple, so they made the understandable decision to not tempt fate. Sure, Flea looked a little silly playing an unplugged bass guitar — but then again, this is a guy who used to play live with a sock on his dick. Plus, he also looked like he was having a blast up there. “I spoke with many musician friends for whom I have the utmost respect,” the bassist writes, “and they all said they would do it if asked, that it was a wild trippy thing to do, what the hell.”

It’s a cliche, but put yourself in Flea’s (likely very smelly) shoes. If someone asked you to jump around a stage in front of millions people and get paid a truckload of cash, would your anti-miming principles still hold up?

This week is “Beatles Week” on The Late Show With David Letterman, honoring the 50th anniversary of the Fab Four’s Ed Sullivan Show debut. Various acts have paid tribute to the band through cover versions (including Broken Bells, with their take on “And I Love Her”), but last night’s performance honored The Beatles’ psychedelic era, as mutual oddballs The Flaming Lips and Sean Lennon teamed up for “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.”

The glorious results are available below. Lips frontman Wayne Coyne is decked out in some kind of streamer-fur-coat, waving his arms on top of a platform; he and Lennon trade off vocal lines (with Coyne, as usual, hitting about 65% of the appropriate pitches), while the band conjures up a majestic version of the chorus, filled with epic mellotron and drum blasts. (Also, huge kudos on the “kaleidoscope eyes.”)

What do you think?

SPOILERS AHEAD, so use caution, Walkers…

Season Four, Episode Nine: “After”

Written by Robert Kirkman; Directed by Greg Nicotero

After the bloodbath that was the midseason finale, The Walking Dead returned Sunday night with a calmer episode simply titled “After.” Last time we saw everyone they were either dead or escaping the destroyed prison alone or in small groups. This week’s episode focused on the solo Michonne and on the father-son team of Rick and Carl. We’ll have to wait until next week to catch up with everyone else.

Quick Breakdown

The Walking Dead has gotten pretty good at its silent openings (well, silent except for the gurgling of zombies). Episode nine was no different. It opened with an aerial view of the prison: the smoking tank, dead bodies, zombies, and Michonne with her sword. She’s the only the living thing in view.

She surveys the damage, begins to kill zombies, and then quickly makes the decision to go back to her old ways. Before we know it, she’s sliced off the arms of two zombies, tied them with rope, and is leading them around with her (just like when we first met her character). This becomes the theme of the episode: in the face of disaster do we go back to our old habits?

Michonne has become one of the most interesting characters on the show. She’s very slowly developed and blossomed. The first half of the season saw her joking around with Carl and seeming to finally enjoy being around other people, which makes this opening all the more gripping. She’s once again lost everyone. As she walks from the prison with her two “slave zombies,” she happens upon the head of Hershel now zombie-fied (poor, Hershel). Michonne doesn’t hesitate to slide her sword into his head, which clearly gives the clue that the old Michonne is back. Cue the opening credits.

We are then given a scene with Rick (looking terrible) and Carl (looking pissed). Carl continues to prove why it sucks having a kid in the zombie apocalypse. Rick can barely walk, but Carl doesn’t seem to care. He’s bent on defying his beaten father, and Rick can’t even bring himself to fully utter the cliché, “We’re going to be fine.”

They stumble upon a BBQ restaurant and argue over who should go in. Carl, as always, thinks he knows best, and in fairness to him, he often does have better ideas than the adults around him. They end up both entering the restaurant where weak Rick tries to kill a zombie with an ax and Carl jumps in by shooting it. Clearly Carl is in for a pissing contest with his father. This is even more evident when they both search the place for food and Carl finds more than his father and says, “I win.”

When then flip to solitary Michonne walking through the woods with her zombies. She happens upon some footprints in the mud. She knows they could easily be someone from her group, which means she’s faced with a choice: go on alone or try to find someone? She chooses to go it alone. Can you blame her?

Carl is also pondering a life alone, or so it appears from his attitude towards his father. They soon reach a house and begin exploring it. Carl finds a kid’s bedroom full of video games, books, posters, and a flat-screen TV. The Walking Dead is many things, but it’s not very subtle. Here Carl is confronted with what his life should look like, but instead he’s killing zombies and taking care of his beat up dad. His smile quickly fades as he rips the cord off the TV, which he then uses to secure the door. Rick thinks they also need to push the couch against the door for extra protection. Carl says his knot is good and that Shane taught him how to do it. Then he caps his comment with “Remember him?” Carl really is out for blood.

Michonne is having her own troubles, but these are in her mind. We get a glimpse at her former life in a flashback/dream sequence. Here we see Michonne in bright colors and looking happy. This lets us know more about her past, including the fact that she had a small child. The dream keeps changing on her as the two men she is talking to (one her lover) alter in appearance until they become the armless zombies we first saw her with. She wakes startled in a car. While I enjoy learning more information about her, it seems this has been a long time coming.

Carl continues his bad behavior by waking up to find Rick passed out or in another coma or dead and decides to go outside to kill some zombies. He’s doesn’t appear to be too alarmed that Rick isn’t waking up. Carl’s plan doesn’t work too well and he’s almost killed (this won’t be the only time). But nothing seems to faze this young man. After nearly getting killed by zombies, he walks away a little out of breath and repeats his “I win” phrase. Yes, you win at being a brat.

Michonne, however, is not winning. As she walks among the zombies (another easy metaphor), she notices a zombie that looks a lot like her. Or in other words, is being alone just the same as being dead? I don’t know. If I was Rick, I’d rather be alone than with Carl.

When Carl returns from his near-death experience, he finds Rick still unresponsive, so he decides to unload his feels. Carl yells at Rick’s motionless body about how he saved him and how Rick couldn’t save anyone and how he let everyone down including baby Judith (I was really hoping for a zombie baby in this episode, but no such luck). We are supposed to feel a little bad for Carl here, but he’s so bratty and self-righteous that it’s hard to do so. He ends his touching speech by saying, “I’d be fine if you died.”

Since Carl hasn’t had enough fun, he heads out again and wanders through another house searching for food and supplies. This leads him to a fairly well stocked kitchen and a giant can of chocolate pudding (win again). Upstairs he finds more trouble. Our brave and trigger happy little Carl wastes some more bullets and gets nearly killed. This time the zombie gets his shoe. He ends up locking the shoe-stealing zombie in a room, and he writes on the door “Walker inside, got my shoe, didn’t get me.” This is another version of “I win.”

Carl is all about getting credit in this episode. He wants to prove he is able to survive, and might even be better at surviving than his father. The scene ends with Carl happily eating chocolate pudding on the roof while the trapped walker’s hand reaches out from the bedroom window. I poke fun at Carl, but he is an interesting character because he examines what it would mean for a young person to be raised in a world that is completely crumbling. Carl is a product of his environment.

Michonne may not use Carl’s “I win” statement, but she finally does decide to live. After staring at her zombie twin some more she kills her and all the zombies in sight. She once again proves she’s the one you want on your side in this world.

After two near-death experiences, Carl is on edge and nearly shoots Rick. When Rick comes to in the dark, he sounds like a zombie and begins to reach out for Carl, which is really dangerous since Carl is often quick to shoot. But even pissed off Carl can’t bring himself to shoot his dad and finally begins to breakdown only to discover Rick isn’t a zombie after all (surprise, surprise).

Michonne is now on a mission to find others. She’s let go of her “slave zombies” and finds the same BBQ place that Carl and Rick visited. Here she has a little breakdown herself and seems to be finally dealing with her past.

In the light of day, Rick and Carl begin mending their fractured relationship. Rick apologizes to Carl and tells him, “You’re a man.” And for his part, Carl seems to realize maybe he does still need Rick. Thankfully, they won’t be on their own much longer. We cut to Michonne who finds the pudding can and then the house. The episode ends with her knocking on the door with tears in her eyes (maybe the only person happy to see Carl).

Rating

B

This was a solid opening to the second half of the season. It didn’t provide many answers or many shocks, but it did provide some good character development for both Michonne and Carl. I’m also glad that Michonne found Carl and Rick, because I’m not sure I want to see many more episodes with just the two of them. The challenge the show faces now is that the characters are scattered around, which can be interesting but also frustrating. Next week we’ll get to check in on the rest of the cast.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

How long is Rick’s face going to be all bloody and swollen? I’m over it.

Carl thinking he could body slam into that door.

The greatest mystery of the show continues: How does Rick keep his chest hair shaved?

SPOILER ALERT, so proceed with caution, Girls fanatics…

Season Three, Episode Six: “Free Snacks”

Written by Paul Simms; Directed by Jamie Babbit

A far-fetched pop fantasy involving the collision of Girls and Mad Men is surely something that exists. Thankfully, such a fantasy is somewhat indulged in this week’s episode — though not lightly.

Quick Breakdown

Hannah quits her job at Ray’s coffee shop after being offered an advertorial writing position at GQ. Employing his usual brand of cynical realism, Ray immediately scoffs at Hannah’s new “job” — stating that the sheer existence of such a position is “morally and creatively bankrupt.” Ray, to the chagrin of Hannah, turns out to be pretty spot-on with his distanced judgment. Though Hannah is immediately swept off her feet by the hilariously bloated assortment of expensive goodies found in the GQ “snack room,” she is just as quickly stricken with an existential crisis revolving around the potential for creative stagnation within this position.

Of course, Hannah’s creative voice is well-received in her first writers meeting. She even manages to make her first competition-based enemy — a snooty but accomplished (former?) poet named Kevin — by repeatedly interrupting his brainstorming inclusions to loudly and confidently proclaim her own. As Hannah learns (in the snack room, no less) of her co-workers’ impressive creative resumes, she starts to question her own future. Will a cushy, free-snacks-laden job at GQ inadvertently stifle her creative desires as what she calls “a writer writer”?

Elsewhere, Ray and Marnie spend a seemingly reluctant amount of time together — continually oscillating between vitriolic character attacks (ex: Marnie unfoundedly accuses Ray of racism following his criticism of relief efforts in Africa, prompting Ray to call her stupid) and passionate sex. Hell, Ray even brings Marnie some free vegan muffins (from his own shop, notedly) and agrees to begrudgingly watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, marking his first foray into the world of reality television. Meanwhile, Shoshanna — in an act of Greek-tragedy-level bad timing — notices that Ray (or, at least, his coffee shop) is being written about in relatively prestigious publications, prompting her to not only reevaluate her opinion of him (and to somewhat charmingly stalk him at the coffee shop and the basketball court) but to reevaluate her entire “15 year plan.”

Thus, Shoshanna decides to embark on a quest for a serious relationship. This quest leads her to an old college fuck-buddy, whom she repeatedly proclaims to her friends is “the dumbest person she’s ever meet” who “can’t even find the library.” Interestingly, she asks him to meet her…at the library. Shoshanna later outlines her plans for their relationship during sex, to which he caveman-ishly replies with vapidly agreeable sentiments.

Adam has apparently been heading out on more acting auditions, perhaps inspired his recent argument with his (now homeless?) sister Caroline. He rather amusingly states to Hannah that he doesn’t necessarily aim to actually get the roles; instead, he’s just into the challenge of taking emotional cues from strangers. However, this plan fails. As Hannah arrives home from another day at the GQ office, Adam tells her that he got a part. Hannah, attempting to keep her earlier promise of writing after work each night, falls asleep on the couch during Adam’s excitement surrounding his upcoming role.

Rating:

B+

The portions of the episode revolving around Hannah’s GQ misadventures are the most rewarding. Marnie and Ray’s circumstantial courting and Shoshanna’s relationship quest — though interesting parallels in their own right — play well merely as groundwork for future conflict.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

Jessa (in her only scene): “It’s really hard for a Jew to gain respect in sports.”

Hannah: “Do you think this is the best use of my literary voice and myriad talents?”

“Your mouth…it makes me want to rip it off your face.” — Kevin (Hannah’s immediate GQ enemy)

“Neiman Marcus doesn’t sell a widow’s peak, but…worth considering.” — Janice (Hannah’s GQ boss)

The prevalent theme in “Free Snacks” seems to be — much as the rest of this season, in general – the art of settling. The further Girls delves into this mid-twenties reality, the more interesting it inherently becomes.

Movie: Tomorrow Night
Writers: Louis C.K.
Directors: Louis C.K.
Studio: Circus King Films

“You keep a very decent house.”

This might as well be some form of “I love you,” coming from the mouth of Tomorrow Night’s central neurotic Charles (Chuck Sklar). The Louis C.K.-helmed film, which originally premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in 1998 but never secured distribution or immediate popularity, gives viewers the gift of witnessing the display of promise with the exceptionally rare benefit of hindsight (packed with proof of said promise’s eventual fulfillment — i.e. the FX series Louie), making for a downright remarkable experience.

Chuck Sklar plays the aforementioned Charles like a depressed, underemployed Egon Spengler, trading out the spores/mold/fungus collection for some acute ice cream fetishism. The film slowly but assuredly becomes — essentially — a story of old souls perpetually chased by the dogs of youth, painting the inevitability of death with the usual Louis C.K. colors of strangely bright cynicism. Of course, it’s hard to discuss a film like Tomorrow Night without mentioning the work of Woody Allen. The opening credits here would seem to warrant direct comparison to Allen’s opening credit tactics — that of easing the audience into the world of the story by offering barebones credits set to story-specific (or artist-specific?) music, usually classical in nature. Allen would likely never tackle a topic as seasoned with modernism as Tomorrow Night’s ice cream fetishism, but the comparison in overall method is apt and deserved.

The black-and-white film — featuring a smorgasbord of both current and eventual stars like J.B. Smoove, Steve Carell, Robert Smigel, Wanda Sykes, Conan O’Brien, and more — is far from perfect, but therein lies its charm and inarguable justification for its very existence and recent re-release. It’s not often we, as viewers, are able to witness the early “invisible” work of a future icon with both the previously mentioned benefit of hindsight and the added bonus of “the artist’s blessing” (as in Louis C.K.’s decision to post the film on his website for $5 download). This puts Tomorrow Night in the odd and lonely position of being relatively unrateable, a position of which one can assume Louis C.K. is quite fond.

SPOILERS AHEAD, so watch your step, Walkers…

Season Four, Episode 10: “Inmates”

Written by Matt Negrete and Channing Powell; Directed by Tricia Brock

Last week’s episode was focused and character driven. Carl was brattier than ever, Michonne began to deal with her past, and Rick nearly died for the millionth time. This week, however, was scattered, fragmented, and spread pretty thin among the rest of the cast. The final showdown with The Governor sent everyone in different directions, and this week the show played “where are they now?”

Quick Breakdown

The opening sequence was the best part of the hour. It begins with a voice-over by Beth who is one of the oddest and most inconsistent characters on the show. She’s gone from a suicidal farm girl to a Tom Waits-singing babysitter. In the first half of this season, she seemed to have accepted the bleak zombie world. She showed little emotion at the death of her boyfriend in the season premiere, and her mantra was “We all have a job to do.”

Her voice-over, however, is rather positive and coming from her diary well before the prison attack. She talks of the idea of safety, of being in her own bed, but also of being afraid to get her hopes up (pretty normal feelings for the zombie apocalypse). The voice-over of her deciding to give the prison a real chance is, of course, spliced with the visual on the screen of her and Daryl running from the prison and fighting off zombies (not safe anymore). She closes her entry with “We can live here, we can live here for the rest of our lives.” No, Beth, you can’t. Cue the opening credits.

I’m pleased that Beth has been paired with Daryl for this part of the season. The two haven’t had tons of screen time together and might give us something new. The positive to this cast shake up is that characters are put into new positions without the people they often rely on for support and survival. This can provide the chance for fresh writing and character development (though we don’t get much of either in this episode).

In their first speaking scene, optimistic Beth tries to convince Daryl that they need to go searching for the others and that he should put his tracking skills to use. Daryl, however, is looking a little defeated and not as hopeful — or maybe he’s just annoyed that out of everyone he got stuck with Beth.

They head off and come across some footprints. Footprints suddenly seem to be the answer to everything (Michonne found Rick and Carl from footprints last week). Daryl isn’t as moved by the footprints and tells Beth they only mean someone was alive a few hours ago (but don’t zombies leave footprints too?). Then, as if to bring Beth down a notch, she’s attacked by a zombie, and Daryl must come to the rescue. No worries: Beth survives.

Next they find a group of zombies having a feast next to some railroad tracks. (This will come up again.) They kill them, which is enough to break Beth. She tried to be optimistic, and all it got her was a pile of zombies. As she cries, her voice-over from the diary comes back again saying, “If this doesn’t work, I don’t know how I could keep going.”

This is the ongoing theme of this half of the season: How do you keep going? The prison gave them all hope for a return to a “normal” life, but that’s all been destroyed. Even Rick said last week they can’t have that again.

We leave Beth and Daryl and switch to Tyreese, who has the worst setup ever: He’s saddled with the two young girls (Lizzie and Mika) and baby Judith (still no zombie baby). Judith is crying, Lizzie is being her normal creepy self (though she did save Tyreese in episode eight, so she’s useful), and Mika is scared. Tyreese is also bleeding from his arm and clearly isn’t the most stable person to be leading around kids. But what choice does he have?

After some wandering around and a few attempts at pacifying Judith by feeding her and changing her diaper, Tyreese hears screams and thinks it might be people from the prison who need help. He leaves the girls with Judith in the woods and goes to check it out. The people being attacked are by the railroad tracks (the zombie feast Beth and Daryl found) and aren’t from the prison. Tyreese jumps in to help anyway, but it doesn’t do much good because everyone gets bitten but Tyreese.

While he’s gone, Judith keeps crying and Lizzie holds her hand over the baby’s mouth to make her stop. (Sounds like a good plan to me.) Lizzie is always a little off, and I thought we were about to witness the killing of Judith and possible baby zombie, but no such luck. It was all a big tease, but is clearly foreshadowing some good stuff for Lizzie. The young characters on the show are becoming the most interesting to watch. Someone begins to approach the girls, but we cut away before we know who or what.

When Tyreese’s battle is over, he turns around to see Lizzie, Mika, and Judith standing there with exiled-Carol. I was relieved to see Carol. Her character got a real reboot this season, and she was the best part of the first half of the season before she got kicked out of the prison by Rick. This is also a great pairing because Carol got kicked out for killing Tyreese’s friends. He doesn’t know this yet, so he’s relieved to see her. She’s relieved he doesn’t know.

After Carol and Tyreese greet each other, one of the men who was attacked by the zombies tells them (as he’s dying) to follow the tracks: “There’s a place up the tracks that’s safe.” This should sound off alarm bells since every “safe place” has led to trouble, death, destruction, and horrible human beings.

They follow the tracks anyway and eventually come upon a sign for a place called Terminus. The sign reads that it’s a community for all. Terminus means the end of the line or route and was also the original name for the city of Atlanta. We’ll have to wait until next week to learn more.

Maggie, Bob, and Sasha are up next. We find them by some water where Sasha is bandaging a shirtless Bob (He was shot in the showdown). Sasha looks quite a bit better health-wise than she was in the previous episode; Bob is being a bit flirty, which seems like bad timing, and Maggie wants to go off to find Glen and the bus. Everyone on this show always wants to just charge off alone like that’s a good plan. Of course, Bob and Sasha don’t let her go it alone (though Sasha I think would have).

They find the bus pretty quickly, but it’s full of zombies. This scene was meant to be dramatic, but we knew Glen wasn’t going to be in the bus. If they are going to kill off a major character, it isn’t going to be off-screen, so the suspense here didn’t work. But Maggie has to know if Glen is in there, so they decide to let one zombie off the bus at a time, so they can kill them and not lose control. This, of course, doesn’t work, and suddenly they are swarmed with zombies, with Maggie forced into kill mode. Killing these zombies really works as a great way to deal with anger and grief.

Once all the zombies are dead, Maggie heads into the bus to survey the situation and confirm that Glen isn’t there. There’s a zombie trapped under some bodies and she helps it get out. They don’t show the zombie’s face, but he has dark hair like Glen’s. All we see is Maggie killing it and breaking down. We are supposed to wonder was it Glen? But, again, the writing here didn’t really work. We know it’s not Glen.

We leave the bus to catch up with the real Glen. He’s still at the prison. What? Exactly, the writers did some cheating here. Last time we saw him, he was still really weak from being sick and was on the bus, but now we are being told he got off the bus to look for Maggie. Also, he’s suddenly not so weak. I really don’t like these tricks.

Glen is given a bit of an advantage here. He goes through the prison and collects food and supplies and some of his old gear. As he exits, he spots Tara and decides he needs her help to survive. She’s in a bit of a daze after the craziness with The Governor. Glen discovers that she didn’t even fire a single shot (Her gun is fully loaded). I’m glad to see Tara because I think she has potential to be a good character, and it’s nice that the show has introduced a gay character.

Tara and Glen make it out of the prison yard and begin to deal with the awkwardness of the situation. Tara feels guilty for being involved and knows that The Governor was wrong about the people in the prison. Glen needs Tara, so he doesn’t have much choice in the matter. He also learns from her that Hershel is dead.

In the closing scene, Tara and Glen fight off some zombies. Glen gets knocked down (and out?). Tara kills the remaining ones and discovers there’s a vehicle right there in front of her watching. The episode ends with the introduction of Abraham, which fans of the comic books have been waiting for. Viewers didn’t get much information just yet, but from the previews for next week we will.

Rating

C

This week’s episode was the definition of average. It had some cheap tricks, but it helped move the plot along. We caught up with a lot of characters in a very short time span — we are in the rebuilding stage of the show. They have to establish a new path and storyline for everyone, which takes some work. It is often in these episodes that the weaknesses of the show are revealed. There’s a lot of potential here, and maybe if we are lucky, we’ll be rewarded with some better writing next week.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

Why do writers think putting a baby on a show is a good idea?

I haven’t minded the lack of gay characters on the show because I’ve always assumed the gay people in this world are smart enough not to hang out with this group.

We’ve had two episodes with no major death. Someone’s getting it soon.

THE WALKING DRUNK: If you took a shot every time someone said “hope,” “believe, or “faith” in this episode, you’d be wasted.

SPOILER ALERT, so proceed with caution, Girls fanatics…

Season Three, Episode Seven: “Beach House”

Written by Jenni Konner, Lena Dunham, & Judd Apatow; Directed by Jesse Peretz

The original gang is reunited thanks to Marnie’s invitation to a not-quite-the-Hamptons vacation spot. Yet, the seemingly inevitable healing process is interrupted by wounds old and new.

Quick Breakdown

Oh, the follies of growth. It’s difficult to confront the issue of growing “apart” head-on, especially when one or more of the involved “growers” refuses to allow the nature of a friendship (or relationship in general) to experience parallel growth. Marnie, a largely absent character from this season of Girls, reasserts herself as the center of conflict in “Beach House;” though, quite fittingly, this center is suddenly and devastatingly occupied by Shoshanna by the end of the episode.

Elijah, a source of contention in seasons past, lays the groundwork for deterioration by bumping into Hannah outside a local shop (Hannah, of course, receiving no service due to no shirt, no shoes). Hannah, at the rather calm disgust of Marnie, invites Elijah and his friends to Marnie’s North Fork getaway. And, with the arrival of alcohol and ill-prepared duck, the fuse for an inevitable implosion is properly lit.

Marnie’s original plan for this inner circle regrouping was, of course, to bring all old wounds to the forefront and promptly bandage or at least acknowledge them. One might wonder if this would have eventually meant an admission to Shoshanna of Marnie’s current frolic with Ray, but the resulting anti-healing get-together that happens instead is a welcomed alternative. “Beach House” is more or less defined by this necessary post-dinner outburst, with other moments in the episode simply serving as appetizers and desserts for the outburst as entree.

Thus, the main course:

“We’re so disconnected now, I thought this would be a nice opportunity for us to have fun together and prove to everyone via Instagram that we can still have fun as a group,” says Marnie earlier in the episode, with absolute seriousness. “I just think we have a lot of healing to do and a lot of ways that we can do it. I was actually thinking the healing would take place at dinner, but after that we would do face-masks and watch ‘The Queens Of Comedy,’ and then we could maybe write our wishes down on pieces of paper and then throw them into a bonfire so they can come true.”

Naturally, none of this happens. Instead, we are treated to a delightful “airing of grievances” not unlike that of the Seinfeld-ian anti-holiday Festivus.

Rating

A

It’s nice to see the girls of Girls interacting in the same location again. But it’s far more interesting to witness the evolved nature and short-fused explosiveness of these interactions. What each character reveals aloud in the “airing of grievances” isn’t particularly surprising or even unwarranted (though, perhaps, more pointedly worded than necessary), yet it still stings as a viewer to be so uncouthly reminded of the realities of age-stressed friendships.

As in life, the questions surrounding the future of the collective friendship that gives Girls its name are left largely unanswered. However, the small glimpse of hope offered at the end of this episode gives both viewers and the characters some much-needed reassurance that, yes, these people certainly do care (or have cared) strongly for each other.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

“You guys never listen to me. You treat me like I’m a fucking cab driver. Seriously, you have entire conversations in front of me, like I’m invisible. And sometimes I wonder if my social anxiety is holding me back from meeting the people who are right for me, instead of a bunch of whiny nothings for friends.” – Shoshanna to everyone

“It’s for people who think the Hamptons are tacky and don’t want to be on a beach that’s near a J. Crew.” – Marnie describing North Fork

Shoshanna’s assertion that the duck (prepared by Marnie) tasted “like a used condom”

“I really miss my boyfriend, who asks me for nothing, so I give him everything.” – Hannah

“I can’t go in open water unless I’m menstruating.” – Jessa

SPOILERS AHEAD, so witch your step, Coven fans!

Season Three, Episode 13: “The Seven Wonders”

Written by: Douglas Petrie; Directed by: Alfonso Gomez-Rejon

This week’s season finale reveals America’s Next Supreme, and this wouldn’t be AHS without a couple twists along the way. The Twitter-verse has already exploded with seemingly a lot of backlash (so few seem to enjoy Ryan Murphy’s particular brand of camp and chaos); but this is the most controlled and earned finale of the series so far.

Quick Breakdown

Stevie Nicks kicks off this finale by returning to Robichaux’s to serenade the girls as they study up for their trials. Naturally, Stevie sings “Seven Wonders.” As her musical number ends, she leaves the final contestants of America’s Next Supreme standing on the grand staircase: Zoe, Madison, Queenie, and Misty.

Myrtle and Cordelia oversee the trials; Myrtle wants to start with the more difficult tasks. First up: Telekinesis. Misty shows the most difficulty in pulling a candlestick to her with her mind. The others pull it off effortlessly (not sure how this is one of the more difficult tasks, but OK, Myrtle). Continuing with the mind games, Concilium is up next. Misty and Queenie make each other slap themselves and pull their own hair, but Madison decides to have a little more fun — she makes Kyle come over and make out with her in front of Zoe. She retaliates by drawing Kyle over to her. Madison gets angry and makes Kyle choke Zoe. Cordelia has to interfere and force the girls to stop.

Next up is possibly the most difficult task: the descent to Hell (descensum). The girls all lay down next each other and chant the incantation to send them to their own personal Hells. Queenie returns from Chubbie’s first, having already been through this particular trial (although she is unnerved that the experience was identical to the last one). Madison is next to awake, having escaped a live network musical performance of The Sound of Music in which she starred not as the lead but as Liesl. (Oh the shade of it all, Mr. Murphy!) Zoe’s Hell is more personal, being trapped in a loop of Kyle breaking up with her.

It’s Misty, however, who does not seem able to wake up. She’s trapped in a high school science lab, being forced to dissect a frog. Due to her powers, she merely continues to bring it back to life. Killing an innocent creature proves too nightmarish for her, and Misty does not return from the netherworld before the timer ends. She crumbles into a pile of dust as Cordelia holds her, trying to bring her back. The competition just got thinner.

Transmutation is up next, and the girls use the opportunity to let off some steam by playing tag. They transmute (or teleport) about the manor, soon chasing each other outside. Cordelia, ever a mother, tells them to be careful. But girls just want to have fun. Until Zoe transmutes onto a stake on the fence, game time over. They drag her to the greenhouse (because it’s basically their ER); and Cordelia challenges the girls to perform vitalum vitalis to bring her back. Queenie fails, and Madison uses this opportunity to snatch the Supremacy. She proves her skills on a fly she kills and revives, but she won’t bring Zoe back because she would then be back in the competition.

Cordelia is at a loss — she can’t stand the idea of Madison in control of the coven. Myrtle comes up with a wild idea: Cordelia should perform the Seven Wonders. She does have royal blood flowing through her. Via a quick montage, Cordelia catches up on the trials already performed, showing aplomb. (Her personal Hell involves being bitch slapped by Fiona, nothing she hasn’t handled before.)

Having caught up with Madison, the two face off on the Divination challenge (at this point, Cordelia has side-stepped the vitalum vitalis — for dramatic storytelling purposes). Cordelia divines the location of an item left behind by a former Supreme. But Madison does not possess the skills of divination and fails miserably. At a loss, she throws a huge temper tantrum and threatens to run off to TMZ and reveal the existence of witches.

She storms upstairs to pack up her wardrobe. Kyle stops by to unleash some pent-up rage. He attacks her, asking why she wouldn’t revive Zoe. Madison tries to shed some tears as she confesses she loves him. “You’re not that good an actress,” Kyle says as he chokes her to death. With Madison dead, Spalding appears to look at his dead, again, doll. He then helps Kyle clean up the mess, making it appear that Madison just left the manor as she said she would.

In the greenhouse, Cordelia performs vitalum vitalis on Zoe, bringing her back to life. Having done so, at the same moment that life is choked from Madison, Cordelia collapses. When she stands back up we’re reminded that the Supreme exhibits full health, and so Cordelia’s eyes have been returned to her head, and she looks positively radiant.

Time jumps ahead fast as Cordelia does a breakout TV interview outing them all as witches. Her monologue is a thinly veiled message about coming out of the closet. Vampires must really be out now as the metaphorical homosexual, and Ryan Murphy is declaring witches the new metaphor. (In case that wasn’t already apparent in the campiest season of TV to ever grace our screens.) Cordelia encourages young witches, confused by their powers, to come down to New Orleans.

Myrtle is proud of her little Cordelia, but there is some unfinished business. To have a truly respectable reign, Myrtle insists that she be burned at the stake for murdering the Council. Cordelia doesn’t want to see her true mother burned at the stake, again; but Myrtle forces her. As she approaches her pyre, Stevie’s “Silver Springs” plays in the background. Myrtle’s final word to the world is “BALENCIAGA.”

A massive line of girls lurks outside the gates of Robichaux Academy. But before Cordelia can welcome in a new generation of witches, there is one more person she has to deal with: Fiona. She’s back! Never trust a death unless you see the actual body (and Coven has taught us not even to trust that). Turns out, Fiona inceptioned the Axeman into believing he killed her and encouraging him to go on a rampage at the manor so that the coven would get rid of him for her. Then she assumed Cordelia would crown the next Supreme so that Fiona could swoop in and murder her.

She didn’t, however, expect to have to kill her own daughter. Looking insanely haggard (I assume Lange will be submitting this scene in her Emmy reel), Fiona has a heart-to-heart chat with Cordelia. They hug, and Fiona dies in her daughter’s arms. Fiona then awakes in her personal Hell. It’s a bleak country cabin where the Axeman brings home a pair of catfish for dinner. The Axeman complains that she wakes up every morning confused as to where she is, instigating a fight between them, and eventually realizing how her afterlife is a fitting punishment for the life she led. It’s like they’re trapped in Fifty First Dates for eternity. Papa Legba laughs as he looks on.

Cordelia wipes away the stray tear, and promotes her remaining witches — Zoe and Queenie — to be the Council. Together, they welcome in the horde of new witches, with Kyle taking up Spalding’s vacated position as the help. Cordelia promises an era of thriving for witches, instead of just hiding and surviving (as she was encouraging her students to do in the first episode). This is by far the most optimistic ending for AHS, and I’m not mad at all.

Rating

A

This season decided to forego trying to out-gore and out-horror itself, and embraced the comedy of the genre instead. It was a campy, trendy season; and this finale tied it all together with a big bow. I found it to be immensely satisfying, and definitely one of the greater messes (or beautiful disasters, depending on how you view Murphy) we’ve seen from TV’s most-derided, most-watched showrunner.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

As they begin the Seven Wonders, Myrtle says, “Madison, obviously this is your bailiwick.” Madison dismissively says, “Whatever that means.”

“Crown me or kiss my ass.” – Madison

“I didn’t know the test came in braille.” – Madison’s snarky commentary on Cordelia performing the trials.

During Cordelia’s TV interview, we see that up next “Liza Minnelli talks about her hip.”

SPOILERS AHEAD, so study up cautiously, Community buffs…

Season Five, Episode Six: “Analysis of Cork-Based Networking”

Written by: Monica Padrick; Directed by: Tristram Shapeero

No fancy parodies this week, but Community does mock Game of Thrones culture. Also, Annie and Hickey have some political-like drama trying to get a corkboard hung in the cafeteria. And with a stream of random cameos, you can’t say life at Greendale is ever dull.

Quick Breakdown

The Save Greendale Committee has added a newest member: Chang. But Annie has more important things she wants to get done this meeting. She assigns Hickey to get the corkboard rehung in the cafeteria, and Britta and Abed to take a student census (to help them get past their arguing: see next paragraph). Annie volunteers to do the decorations for the midterm dance, cuing Shirley, Jeff, Chang and Duncan to join in, knowing she’ll do all the work.

Bloodlines of Conquest is a TV series (that sounds exactly like Game of Thrones) that all the guys in the committee are obsessed with. Britta, though, has only just started watching, so when Abed describes the show to the others and mentions the dragons, she cries “Spoiler Alert!” (Don’t you just hate those people?) Abed does, and tells her it’s not his fault she’s waited three seasons to start watching. She threatens him in turn by saying she’ll read all the books and spoil the ending for him, which he succinctly calls insane.

Hickey goes to his janitor buddy to ask about the corkboard, but he gets shot down pretty quickly for lack of a work order. He sighs resignedly and returns to Annie saying he gave it a shot. She all but laughs in his face, and takes things into her own hands, showing him how it’s done. She goes to the janitors, having learned their names and life story, and plays nice. One janitor puts in the work order, but it will take three to five business months. When Annie complains, she’s informed that only a custodian could bump it up the docket.

Britta goes around the hallways skim-reading the books, looking for dramatic reveals. But Abed is prepared for her and is wearing noise-cancellation headphones. As he ignores her, he gives the census survey to a deaf girl and they bond as Britta watches. When she leaves, Britta drily asks, “Are you going to have another intense burst of compatibility with a girl we’re never gonna see again?” (She is referring to the coat check girl incident from season four’s “Herstory of Dance” episode.)

Annie and Hickey pop into the custodian mixer, hoping to make some friends. They get referred to Chief Custodian Waite (played by Castle’s Nathan Fillion! One week after Chang declared him his same-sex celebrity crush, no less), who tells them he’d be happy to move their work order up. But he wants them to get his internet sites unblocked in return (so he can watch porn, Hickey spells out for Annie). Hickey knows the IT girl (played by Criminal Minds’ Paget Brewster), who would be happy to unblock the sites in exchange for better parking spots. Annie is starting to get too aggressive about this corkboard.

With Annie caught up in a game of favors, the rest of the committee must come up with a theme for the midterm dance. Chang suggests they go with a bear theme saying they should, “Bear Down for Midterms.” No one gets it, forcing Chang to spell it out. They are hesitant to agree, until he ugly cries and pulls the race card. They cave quickly after that. But when a student comes in and sees all the bears, he chastises them for being so heartless, since a child’s birthday party was just ruined by a bear attack that morning.

Britta continues to hide spoilers in Abed’s path, but he deftly avoids them. Instead, he spends his time learning sign language so he can flirt with the deaf girl. He learns phrases like “I learned how to say this in sign language” to impress her (even though she can read lips perfectly). It seems like they’re really hitting it off. Plus, there are a lot of sign language jokes.

Annie and Hickey approach the parking department head Waldron (Last Resort’s Robert Patrick) with their request. He’d be happy to help, but he has much higher stakes in this corkboard. He wants to control student parking through the flyers they hang up, enforcing extra fees for carpooling. Hickey sees the danger in this, but Annie is too single-minded to care. She agrees to give him control of the board through the Dean’s permission in exchange for the parking space.

The Dean, ever happy to please, agrees as well, and proposes a margarita toast. Hickey won’t partake in the toast, claiming he won’t say “easy-peasy lemon-squeezy.” His real issue though is the control she’d be relinquishing to Waldron. When he brings it up, the Dean is appalled and rescinds his offer to create the position, leaving Annie without a corkboard.

She sulks into the cafeteria where she is greeted by a banner that says “Fat Dog for Midterms.” The committee tries to play it off as a hip phrase, having turned their bear decorations into “fat dogs” to cover up their insensitivity. Annie isn’t buying it, until they all cry and pull the race card. She defers to them, and the dance goes on with the Fat Dog theme.

At the dance, Abed and the deaf girl are really bonding, until she signs to him a plot twist that sounds remarkably like the Red Wedding. Abed is devastated, and Britta sweeps in handing cash to the girl while looking smug. “To the spoiler goes the victory,” she gloats. Abed is mad that Britta interfered with their flirtation just to win one over on him. He chases after her, but bumps into coat check girl Rachel (indie darling Brie Larson) instead. They play off how they haven’t seen each other in awhile, and then Abed asks her out to dinner.

In the cafeteria, Hickey has brought his office corkboard to hang up. Once it’s screwed in the wall, the Dean brings in security to hall Hickey away for the violation. Annie jumps on one of the security guards’ backs, and soon all her friends join in the tussle. The Dean calls off the men, giving them this small victory.

Chang leads everyone in a line dance based on the Fat Dog theme. But Garrett bumps into one of the fat dogs and the ears fall off, revealing a bear. “It’s a bear dance!”, he screams.

Rating

B+

The episode had plenty of funny moments, and I enjoyed the mocking of Game of Thrones spoilers. Annie’s adventures with Hickey showed just another side of how absurd the world of Greendale really is, which is why we love it so much. But do we really need more Chang and Duncan? Does anyone even find them funny any more (or ever)? Also, Jeff had about three lines this week; I guess that’s to counterbalance how Jeff-heavy the first few episodes were.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

“I don’t start watching shows until they’re so popular that watching them is no longer a statement.” – Britta on why she only just started watching Bloodlines of Conquest

“Chang, your last idea was to murder.” – Annie dismissing Chang’s suggestion for the dance (which he concedes with a knowing shrug)

“Welcome to the labyrinth, kid,” Hickey says to Annie as she begins to see how difficult it is to get things done in this school, “only there ain’t no puppets and bisexual rock stars down here.”

“Man, this got Sorkin-y.” – the Dean after Hickey and Annie argue in front of him

While Hickey watches the news, a BREAKING NEWS alert scrolls along the bottom saying, “Levar Burton and non-celebrity companion captured by pirates in the Gulf of Mexico.” (Is this how we’ll follow Troy’s adventures?)

In the tag, Duncan makes a call to get more staples and chooses instead to access “Marigold.” This prompts him to select one of three code name options and he chooses “Arcadia.” With a few prompts it seems he’s activated some form of military operation. He tries to cancel it quickly after that realization. Was this all a throwaway bit? Or is this foreshadowing for something later?

At The Drive In has made good on its promise to release new music before the close of 2016. “Governed By Contagions,” from the band’s forthcoming full length album produced by ORL and Rich Costey, is the first new song written and recorded by At The Drive In since the 2000 release of its landmark third album Relationship Of Command. It is now available as a free download at atthedriveinmusic.com and streaming below…

Following on the recent announcement of its upcoming Reading and Leeds Festival appearances, At The Drive In has confirmed a first handful of headline dates for 2017. The shows run March 20-29 and cover cities where the band was forced to cancel in June 2016 due to health concerns regarding Bixler-Zavala’s vocal cords.

Fans who bought tickets to the canceled dates will be emailed a special pre-sale link before tickets go on sale to the general public. See below for those pre-sale times (in bold) this month.

At The Drive In is Cedric Bixler-Zavala, Omar Rodriguez-Lopez, Paul Hinojos, Tony Hajjar and Keeley Davis.

AT THE DRIVE IN
Live 2017

3/20/2017 - Washington DC - 9:30 Club  *pre-sale begins 12/12 @ 9am – 12/14 @ 10am EST
3/22/2017 - New York – Terminal 5  *pre-sale begins 12/15 @ 10am-10pm EST
3/25/2017 - Boston – House of Blues  *pre-sale begins 12/14 @ 10am-10pm EST
3/27/2017 - Detroit – The Fillmore  *pre-sale begins 12/14 @ 10am-10pm EST
3/29/2017 - Toronto – Rebel (formerly Sound Academy)  *pre-sale begins 12/14 @ 10am – 12/15@ 10am EST

The post At The Drive In Shares New Track “Governed By Contagions” – Five U.S. Shows Planned appeared first on Glide Magazine.

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Slash fiction is the kind of thing you only hear about if you’ve descended so deep into a rabbit hole of hardcore internet nerdity that you dream in meme and speak in the kind of language suitable for forming coherent thoughts in 140 characters or less. Even then, most of us only know of slash fiction as the brunt of jokes, not as something to be considered with any seriousness.

But the reality is that writers and consumers of slash fiction—erotic stories written by fans which couple characters together in unusual ways, ie “Captain Picard/Han Solo”—are probably more numerous than we might think or believe. It’s easy to sit here and dismiss the slash fiction community as deviants, losers, or freaks, but the ongoing and ever-growing popularity of this particular brand of nerdom is an increasingly welcome community for those whom we might outcast.

Slash offers a surprisingly heartwarming exploration of this community hidden between the lines of a stellar coming of age dramedy. It’s almost difficult to rectify the sweetness of the film with its bizarre conceit, but that’s sort of the point. We’re forced to confront our innate biases and preconceived notions as to who and what these people are and, in doing so, offers us a mirror from which to view our own awkward, misspent adolescences.

The film follows the standard teen-dramedy formula—Neil (Michael Johnston) is the perpetual outcast, who finds solace in the books he loves, and in writing gay erotica of his favorite novels, the fictional Vanguard series. He becomes the brunt of bullying and jokes when his notebook of stories is stolen, and finds an unlikely ally in the form of Julia (Hannah Marks), who also writes slash fiction. Encouraging him to publish his work on a site devoted to such literary works, Neil finds himself becoming somewhat of a superstar in the community, which sparks both romantic interest and jealousy in Julia.

Whatever preconceptions you have about Slash are quickly smashed by this charming and unique indie. Writer/director Clay Liford has crafted a heartwarming, heartbreaking look at the perils of growing up. Neil is a near perfect embodiment of male angst as he tries to navigate the treacherous roads of self-identity and sexuality. That the slightly older, much cooler Julia would take any interest in him is confusing enough for a kid his age, but add to that a healthy dose of orientation confusion and things get complicated quickly.

Johnston and Marks have a chemistry that that immediately warms over even the staunchest of naysayers. Their forays into an unconventional romance—if even you could call it that—capture those awkward moments of not-quite-dating that exist best between teenagers. Furtive glances, lingering laughs, inexplicable jealousy—he likes her, but he doesn’t like like her, unless she like likes him, why did she say something?—which certainly exist in relationships later in life, but never quite so urgently as they do in adolescence.

Slash’s two young stars carry the weight of this expectation admirably, executing Liford’s subtle script—and yes, a script about two teenagers who kind of sort of fall in love over their shared joy in writing gay erotica about fictional characters can apparently be subtle—with such skill that Neil and Julia jump off the screen.

For all its subtlety and implications, however, Liford’s script is often laugh out loud hilarious, punctuating jokes with an intelligence so rarely seen in modern comedy. His is a highly literate humor that turns raunch into art. Nestled in there is a sweet tale about discovering yourself and finding your place in a world that’s unsure what to make of you.

And that’s sort of the way of adolescence. No one knows what to make of anyone or anything, and everyone is just trying to find that place that they belong. Some seek shelter in sports, others in academics; these characters simply seek their sense of belonging in erotic fan fiction. We may desire to cast them out, but so too do they us. Maybe what we all need is a little less room to judge, and a little more attempts at understanding. Just because we don’t get it, doesn’t mean it can’t be got. In the end, we’re all just looking for the same thing as everyone else.

Slash is now available on VOD.

The post The Mysteries of Adolescence and Sex Explored Beautifully in ‘Slash’ (FILM REVIEW) appeared first on Glide Magazine.